The more I learn about yoga, psychology, coaching and human behaviour, the more I learn that to change anything in our lives that we don’t like – whether it’s a relationship, a job, a situation, we need to look at ourselves thoroughly first.
To identify what’s really going on inside ourselves can then set us free to enjoy much more harmonious relationships and give us the ability to better deal with the things that come to us that are outside of our control.
As the Zen quote goes:
‘Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it’
As I undertake this journey of deep exploration within, I am slowly unravelling life patterns that have not served me, I’m uncovering my ‘shadow’ and bit by bit finding some peace with those parts of me that I don’t like very much.
And the feeling I get is lightness and liberation, mixed with a whole lot of discomfort. On some days I just want to hide. But there’s this ‘knowing’ that says this work is making me stronger and guiding me to be the best ‘me’. So I continue to show up and do the work.
However this connectedness and understanding of self is a relatively new thing for me. Years ago I was so utterly disconnected from myself and by default from other people. Strangely though, at the time I was not necessarily aware that this was the case.
I felt like I was going through the motions in life. Working to pay the bills, put food in my belly and save cash for the next holiday. I was essentially drifting and cruising through life.
Days turned into weeks, into months and years.
And it all looked good from the outside* – we had all the ‘things’ that modern society deems as a measure of ‘success’, but inside there was an ’empty’ feeling and a niggle pushing me to explore more of what life has to offer.
At the time I couldn’t put my finger on why I was feeling this way, but at the same time I knew that I needed to make some changes.
Does this sound familiar to you?
*Before I continue, I do want to acknowledge how utterly grateful and privileged I feel to have all of this. I know first hand from travelling that there are millions of people out there with nothing, and to survive from day to day is an enormous measure of success. I feel incredibly humbled every time I travel to third world countries.
Why do we disconnect with ourselves?
In Western society we’re taught to seek change externally. We buy new clothes to look better, visit the hairdressers to get a new hairstyle. If we don’t like our job, we can change it. If we’re not happy in a relationship, we can find a new one.
Tom and I, we chose to go travelling.
We went to Latin America to travel and explore different cultures, have an adventure and see what’s ‘out there’. I think unconsciously though I was also seeking to discover and re-connect with myself.
Amongst all of the striving and working hard for something that wasn’t aligned with my values, I had lost my sense of self and effectively distanced my self from others.
What I’ve realised over the past 5 years, after a bunch of self reflection work, that this feeling, this connection that I was craving was always there. I actually didn’t need to travel around the world to find it.
I already ‘was’ it.
The thing is that we’re not taught how to access it at school or work, so of course we look for external stimulus to fill us up.
How to re-connect to yourself
I’m super passionate about this (actually I think I rabbit on about it more often that I like to admit, ha!) I have found that by undertaking a combination of these things that we can find this connection to self.
- time in nature
- self care
- good nutrition
- fun time
- seeing and doing new things
- volunteering and taking on new challenges
I also believe that in doing the work through self exploration:
- journalling regularly to uncover what’s going on ‘inside’
- giving gratitude for what we have on a daily basis
- seeing a coach to help us stay on track, cheer us on and help us look deeper into what’s holding us back from living a life that we love can help us BIG time.
I’ve found that over the past 5 years, the more that I follow and do the things that I love to do, the clearer I get on what I do want, and the more I begin to attract these things in my life.
As a beautiful result my relationships and connection with others blossoms.
I’m not going to sugar coat it. It’s not an immediate thing and it’s not easy, but it’s oh so definitely worth it.
You need to do the work. You need to commit, be curious and serious about taking control of your life and truly getting to know yourself.
If you get the feeling that there’s more to life, then I invite you to follow this yearning, follow this desire and make small steps into making this a reality.
Because you deserve the very best from your life.
I live and breathe this stuff and it lights me up to encourage, cheer on and guide others to realise their dreams and potential.
If you’d like to know more about wellness coaching, or to book in for a 30 min complimentary session then contact me [button link=”https://www.claire-bradshaw.com/contact/” size=”regular” type=”solid” color=”#3B3B3B” text_color=”#FFFFFF” border_radius=”5″ icon=””]here[/button]
I’d love to talk to you x