Let’s talk about that thing called ‘happiness’

There once was a lady whose ‘happiness’ was reliant upon external wants and desires and expectations of other people.  hmmmm.


Any idea who that was?


Yes it was me!


Does this sound familiar to you?


The thing is, this way of searching for happiness can cause all sorts of pain (yep I experienced my fair share!)


Because when we get that new car or promotion, we have the momentary feeling of euphoria, but then we’re left wanting for the next thing. We constantly have these little euphoric bursts of happiness, before our ego starts looking for the next thing to give us a dopamine rush. The problem is that we still have this empty feeling that just can’t seem to be satisfied.


And how about expectations?


Expecting other people; our children, our partner or our friends to continually make us feel happy by showering us with gifts and continual love. But if they don’t and we’ve attached our happiness to this expectation, then we’ll not be happy.


The thing is……[blockquote text=”‘True happiness is not out there, it lies within’
David Lynch” show_quote_icon=”yes”]

Over the past few years, I’ve been exploring what happiness means to me and as I continue to delve deeper within myself I have found that I feel most happy when I’m expressing myself, pushing outside of my comfort zone, growing as a person and connecting with others on a deeper level.


Check out this article.


I’ve found that the more I get to know myself  intimately; appreciating the good bits – my qualities, my gifts and learning how to express them more in the world, the more I find a deeper love and connection with myself.


But also by doing this work, I’ve become more aware of the parts that I’ve hidden about myself, the parts that I don’t like so much – habits that don’t serve me, doubts, fears, addictions, tendencies, reactions.


And slowly slowly I’m learning to find peace with them and heal these parts of myself.

The more that I do this work, by increasing my awareness and questioning things, the less I become triggered and defensive when someone plugs into those darker parts of me.  This has helped me to become more humble, honest with myself and others and more vulnerable. I’ve found that I’ve become more compassionate and kind to myself and others.


I believe that the more we can find compassion for ourselves and be a witness to our negative self talk, the more this ripples out to others. It gives other people the permission to do the same thing.  We find that we connect better with other people because we realise that all of us are dealing with parts of our shadows (these darker parts of ourself) on a daily basis, whether we’re conscious of them or not.


But the thing is if we have not brought to light these shadow parts as yet, if we’ve not made them conscious, then we find ourselves reacting to everything around us. We beat up on ourselves, we take it out on others and we create a disconnection within ourselves and with other people.



Pretty stressful huh?


The thing is, the happiness we all crave is within us all along. It’s not found in a holiday, a new car, a perfect house, perfect children. It’s found when we delve into ourselves, it’s by building a closer inner relationship. Unravelling to our true nature, letting go of our beliefs, our social conditioning and taking responsibility for our choices, our lives and honestly observing that our external reality is a reflection of our internal reality.


This process can be difficult, uncomfortable, maybe a little messy at times.


There will be tears :0) But good tears!


And it takes time, it’s NOT a ‘quick fix’, it takes curiosity, work and compassion to self.  But I can attest that it is worth it.  It’s freeing and it’s a lighter and more peaceful way to live.


It has made my life a lot more meaningful.


I’ve found that the more I delve deeper within me, the more I can hear my heart and my intuition guiding me to wholeness, when before I just heard a whole lot of mental chatter; putting myself down, judging other people and feeling a void inside that for some reason could never be satisfied.


I don’t think that there’s an ‘end journey’ – you don’t ‘arrive’, but once you commit to doing the work, life will open up in a whole new way and you won’t want to go back to the previous way of being.



The question is, are you ready to go there……?


If you want to start exploring some of these questions for yourself, then send me a message, I’d love to hear from you.





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